We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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