I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
