Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
