Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
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Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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