dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
