There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
