Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Alive.
So much puke
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
