GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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