Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
