got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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