I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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