She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
