Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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