I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
