so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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