I look better un-naked...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize