im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need a beard to bite.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
