he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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