I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
