Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
