we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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