I think my fart just growled at me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
