The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
