Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
