she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i now understand why vodka
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
