After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize