yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
sex in a hospital.. check
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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