Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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