hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
