I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
