just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
