Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
