There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
