And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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