I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
