If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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