she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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