i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
