I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
