he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
