Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I believe in your delicious
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
