i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
