we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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