Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
