I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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