some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
