Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
that's an acceptable place to lick
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
