I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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