sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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