so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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