My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
