apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
