that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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