I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
