I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
