if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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