Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
