I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
