i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
