Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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