I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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